How Can We Cope With Change In Our Lives?
(Please note: This is a longer version of the article included in the Currents of the Tar for the upcoming issue.)
This entire week has been a super busy week for me (which is really nothing new). I love what God has called me to do, but there are times that is simply places tremendous "busy-ness" in my schedule. Monday morning was back to grindstone! I went by Office Depot to pick up some office supplies we needed; had to be at the Association for a meeting at 10 AM; that meeting was over some time after noon and I had a luncheon appointment; from there it was prep time for the Associational Council meeting that night and then the council meeting. I left the office a little after 10 PM and went home to finally respond to emails and do some work that had to be done before my meetings of Tuesday.
Tuesday I had to run an errand for TRBA as a result of the meeting the night before, so I left the house around 7 AM, did the errand, and went to Cary to a Sunday School meeting. I left there after 3 PM and came by the office and met with a pastor until a little after 6 PM and headed home. In all facets of travel, I was calling several people related to various ministries of the Association and took the time to answer any necessary messages from the office and emails in my mailbox.
Wednesday was a FULL day as well. I had breakfast with 4 pastors; then drove to SEBTS to meet with a 2 church planters and the Church Planting Supervisor from BSC about those and other new work in TRBA. I was invited to lunch with the new Missions Director from the state convention who was meeting with a lot of NC Baptist Leaders in the student center and then set up a meeting I am hosting for NAMB in February with some of the staff at SEBTS and met with a pastor concerning his church needs and set up a time next week to meet with him again to follow-through. I spoke with a student that will "shadow me" as a part of his J-term class in 2 weeks and ran into 2 former TRBA that had come back to NC to work on their DMin before leaving campus. Again - telephone calls monopolized my trips to and from my destinations.
When I got to the office, I again made the necessary phone calls and responded to some emails and prepared for a missions presentation at one of our churches that night. I had dinner with 2 of our pastors and then made the presentation at the church and got home around 9 or so.
Today was to be another full day - but different. No meetings until nightfall were "planned" but then I was scheduled for 3. PTL one was cancelled and I made my final decision as to which I would attend as the meetings were 25 miles apart and I could not "make an appearance" at both.
With all that said - I get to my first point. In the midst of all that has happened, I have spoke with, met with, dined with, worshipped with at least 22 pastors in TRBA this week; 4 former pastors; 1 church planter and 3 potential church planters; 3 or 4 interim pastors; 2 associates; 10 - 15 lay people - and then there are the emails. I consider that a blessing!
A "mainstay" of my life as Associational Missionary is meetings. Associational, with churches, at the Baptist Building, with NAMB as well as other intities, etc. Often times those meetings reflect recommendations for change - especially in the arena of technology and "delivery of product." I was recently in an initial meeting that involved some ideas for change. It was certainly not to be a meeting whereby a final decision was to be made. I guess it would be a "fact finding" meeting and a decision - if necessary - would be made at a much later time. It was one of the most tiring meetings I have ever experienced. People had an "emotional investment" and degree of ownership that makes our practice "comfortable" and the introduction of possible change introduces a level of anxiety that none of us like. With that said though, we have to be careful in such meetings that we not engage in non-christian defenses and accusations. Remember, NO ONE sitting around the table really likes change!
This morning I was reflecting on that meeting and some other things that are on the calendar in upcoming days. Many of the things are new ways/new approaches - or at least not traditional. When the CPA report comes out, there will be changes in the life and work of TRBA as a result I am sure. As I drove to my office, I stopped to pick up a combo for breakfast. Normally I would go to BoJangles (most of you know that), but today I was in a hurry and the drive through there was backed up around the building and no one was at the drive through at McDonalds. McDonalds it would be!
Just as I got to the place where you order, my phone rang. I saw it was from LifeWay in Nashville (I serve on an Advisory Committee with 13 - 15 other Associational Missionaries from around the nation) so I pulled away and answered the phone. The secretary - who is new - needed some additional information from me. The old secretary had always completed the report with my written statements but did not need additional documentation, but this was a "new policy." I chuckled a bit about my resistance to the change she was asking me to do, but told her I would get the information to her by the first of next week.
Afterwards, I got back into line to place my order. I asked for a combo with a large diet coke as opposed to the coffee. The young lady stated my price and I drove to the first window. While pulling up to the second window to get my order, I realized she had given me way too much change so I asked, "what was the price for the combo?" The lady at window 2 went to the lady at window 1; the lady from window 1 came to window 2 with a very defensive posture and stated, "Sir, when you get a drink instead of coffee the price increases and you got a large drink so the price was more." I am certain all of us have had this to happen before.
I stated, "Yes, I understand that. But you gave me a lot more change than you should have and I didn't want your drawer to come up short." As she took the change back, the Lord taught me a lesson and I chuckled a bit. She was so defensive that she wasn't willing - at first - to accept the idea that I was questioning her as to a "neutral" issue. Instead, she had jumped to the conclusion that I was upset with her actions toweard me in the performance of her job. All I was doing was offering her "change." She made the assumption that I was accusing her of something. Isn't that the way we are?
We are often defensive of what we have done that we are ready to be on the defensive before we know the full picture. We make assumptions that are not necessarily true and fail to be open to someone that is only trying to make something right or ascertain if we need to make any changes. Sometimes when we act that way, we hurt people and act unchristian in the process. And - to be honest - it is unnecessary.
If 2007 and 2008 were years of examination and revision, 2009 will be a year of implementation and change. There are still a LOT of things that we will have to address in the operations of TRBA this year. The staff is going to be "learning" and we are going to need your help each step of the way.
None of us like change! We grow comfortable with the way we have done things in the past. However, the truth is - to not be open to change can be a sinful act if we get so defensive that we are not open to God. And to react with assumptions that are unproven and speculation both hurts the chances of success; is hurtful to people involved; and - most importantly - hurts the cause of Christ by our personal witness becoming tarnished. That is especially true when you become so defensive that you make incorrect statements and unfair assumptions to defend your opinion and close out the opinions of others that are just as burdened about the cause being discussed as you are.
Many of my meetings are a little of that and to be honest, they are often paralyzing to me. They cloud my thinking and Satan uses that to distract me from the work God has called me to do for Him. EVENTUALLY, sometimes late that night after a meeting, I realize - God knows the truth; I know the truth; and that was all that really mattered.
Philippians 1 contains the testimony of the Apostle Paul. He was unjustly persecuted; people told outright lies against him; he was imprisoned and awaiting death - but knowing the truth, he praised God and continued to be faithful in his work. Likewise, Peter and the others when they were arrested and "forbidden" to preach the Gospel continued to preach the Gospel with the assertion, "we must obey God rather than man."
Nothing to that level has happened to me, so why do I sometimes allow Satan to experience a victory. All the people at the table were seeking to do the right thing, we just need to be more respectful of one another's opinions and genuinely commit to seek God's Will together.
Like I said - none of us like change. However, with the full implementation of the ByLaws, and Polices and Procedures passed by the Association in it's meetings, there will be changes. Do not assume every change is welcomed by people that are working to implement those changes (I certainly did not like writing a check for $5000 in West Africa because it was interpreted that the expenses were to be "reimbursed," but I did because that was the interpretation/decision made). No one can say that "Well Dougald or Gail has gotten their way with that change" because every recommendation that came before you was by consensus and then your vote. I can assure you, there are aspects that make the staff's life a lot more difficult.
There will be some changes that we know will have to be changed, but there is no reason for people that love the Lord and are striving to work together to accomplish His purpose to make assumptions or become upset with the changes. Instead, we are to be Christ-like in our attitudes and actions, and strive to make the changes necessary to better accomplish His work.
The Truth is - following Christ is all about change! I can not determine to go my way and ignore the path He has chosen for me and experience the joy of walking in His Will. I can not expect that a decision made in 2009 will withstand the test of time and apply in 3009 to accomplish God's purpose for that season. Therefore, I must approach everything with an openness and a willingness to say "not my will but thine be done." To not be willing to pray that prayer is not to be striving to be like Christ.
I remain convinced, "any two people genuinely seeking God can work together." That has been my operating principle as an Associational Missionary from the very beginning, and it remains my guiding principle in the work God has called us to do together. As we implement the changes that have been and will be mandated by your vote as an Association, know that we will be transparent in the process and open to your opinions as we have been in the implementation of the ByLaws and now the policies and procedures. I welcome your input and solicit your prayers as we seek to work together in the important work of strengthening the church to be the church and advancing the cause of Christ throughout the communities of the Tar River Baptist Association.
Pray with me that God will open our eyes to His Will and that we will walk together in His work.
This entire week has been a super busy week for me (which is really nothing new). I love what God has called me to do, but there are times that is simply places tremendous "busy-ness" in my schedule. Monday morning was back to grindstone! I went by Office Depot to pick up some office supplies we needed; had to be at the Association for a meeting at 10 AM; that meeting was over some time after noon and I had a luncheon appointment; from there it was prep time for the Associational Council meeting that night and then the council meeting. I left the office a little after 10 PM and went home to finally respond to emails and do some work that had to be done before my meetings of Tuesday.
Tuesday I had to run an errand for TRBA as a result of the meeting the night before, so I left the house around 7 AM, did the errand, and went to Cary to a Sunday School meeting. I left there after 3 PM and came by the office and met with a pastor until a little after 6 PM and headed home. In all facets of travel, I was calling several people related to various ministries of the Association and took the time to answer any necessary messages from the office and emails in my mailbox.
Wednesday was a FULL day as well. I had breakfast with 4 pastors; then drove to SEBTS to meet with a 2 church planters and the Church Planting Supervisor from BSC about those and other new work in TRBA. I was invited to lunch with the new Missions Director from the state convention who was meeting with a lot of NC Baptist Leaders in the student center and then set up a meeting I am hosting for NAMB in February with some of the staff at SEBTS and met with a pastor concerning his church needs and set up a time next week to meet with him again to follow-through. I spoke with a student that will "shadow me" as a part of his J-term class in 2 weeks and ran into 2 former TRBA that had come back to NC to work on their DMin before leaving campus. Again - telephone calls monopolized my trips to and from my destinations.
When I got to the office, I again made the necessary phone calls and responded to some emails and prepared for a missions presentation at one of our churches that night. I had dinner with 2 of our pastors and then made the presentation at the church and got home around 9 or so.
Today was to be another full day - but different. No meetings until nightfall were "planned" but then I was scheduled for 3. PTL one was cancelled and I made my final decision as to which I would attend as the meetings were 25 miles apart and I could not "make an appearance" at both.
With all that said - I get to my first point. In the midst of all that has happened, I have spoke with, met with, dined with, worshipped with at least 22 pastors in TRBA this week; 4 former pastors; 1 church planter and 3 potential church planters; 3 or 4 interim pastors; 2 associates; 10 - 15 lay people - and then there are the emails. I consider that a blessing!
A "mainstay" of my life as Associational Missionary is meetings. Associational, with churches, at the Baptist Building, with NAMB as well as other intities, etc. Often times those meetings reflect recommendations for change - especially in the arena of technology and "delivery of product." I was recently in an initial meeting that involved some ideas for change. It was certainly not to be a meeting whereby a final decision was to be made. I guess it would be a "fact finding" meeting and a decision - if necessary - would be made at a much later time. It was one of the most tiring meetings I have ever experienced. People had an "emotional investment" and degree of ownership that makes our practice "comfortable" and the introduction of possible change introduces a level of anxiety that none of us like. With that said though, we have to be careful in such meetings that we not engage in non-christian defenses and accusations. Remember, NO ONE sitting around the table really likes change!
This morning I was reflecting on that meeting and some other things that are on the calendar in upcoming days. Many of the things are new ways/new approaches - or at least not traditional. When the CPA report comes out, there will be changes in the life and work of TRBA as a result I am sure. As I drove to my office, I stopped to pick up a combo for breakfast. Normally I would go to BoJangles (most of you know that), but today I was in a hurry and the drive through there was backed up around the building and no one was at the drive through at McDonalds. McDonalds it would be!
Just as I got to the place where you order, my phone rang. I saw it was from LifeWay in Nashville (I serve on an Advisory Committee with 13 - 15 other Associational Missionaries from around the nation) so I pulled away and answered the phone. The secretary - who is new - needed some additional information from me. The old secretary had always completed the report with my written statements but did not need additional documentation, but this was a "new policy." I chuckled a bit about my resistance to the change she was asking me to do, but told her I would get the information to her by the first of next week.
Afterwards, I got back into line to place my order. I asked for a combo with a large diet coke as opposed to the coffee. The young lady stated my price and I drove to the first window. While pulling up to the second window to get my order, I realized she had given me way too much change so I asked, "what was the price for the combo?" The lady at window 2 went to the lady at window 1; the lady from window 1 came to window 2 with a very defensive posture and stated, "Sir, when you get a drink instead of coffee the price increases and you got a large drink so the price was more." I am certain all of us have had this to happen before.
I stated, "Yes, I understand that. But you gave me a lot more change than you should have and I didn't want your drawer to come up short." As she took the change back, the Lord taught me a lesson and I chuckled a bit. She was so defensive that she wasn't willing - at first - to accept the idea that I was questioning her as to a "neutral" issue. Instead, she had jumped to the conclusion that I was upset with her actions toweard me in the performance of her job. All I was doing was offering her "change." She made the assumption that I was accusing her of something. Isn't that the way we are?
We are often defensive of what we have done that we are ready to be on the defensive before we know the full picture. We make assumptions that are not necessarily true and fail to be open to someone that is only trying to make something right or ascertain if we need to make any changes. Sometimes when we act that way, we hurt people and act unchristian in the process. And - to be honest - it is unnecessary.
If 2007 and 2008 were years of examination and revision, 2009 will be a year of implementation and change. There are still a LOT of things that we will have to address in the operations of TRBA this year. The staff is going to be "learning" and we are going to need your help each step of the way.
None of us like change! We grow comfortable with the way we have done things in the past. However, the truth is - to not be open to change can be a sinful act if we get so defensive that we are not open to God. And to react with assumptions that are unproven and speculation both hurts the chances of success; is hurtful to people involved; and - most importantly - hurts the cause of Christ by our personal witness becoming tarnished. That is especially true when you become so defensive that you make incorrect statements and unfair assumptions to defend your opinion and close out the opinions of others that are just as burdened about the cause being discussed as you are.
Many of my meetings are a little of that and to be honest, they are often paralyzing to me. They cloud my thinking and Satan uses that to distract me from the work God has called me to do for Him. EVENTUALLY, sometimes late that night after a meeting, I realize - God knows the truth; I know the truth; and that was all that really mattered.
Philippians 1 contains the testimony of the Apostle Paul. He was unjustly persecuted; people told outright lies against him; he was imprisoned and awaiting death - but knowing the truth, he praised God and continued to be faithful in his work. Likewise, Peter and the others when they were arrested and "forbidden" to preach the Gospel continued to preach the Gospel with the assertion, "we must obey God rather than man."
Nothing to that level has happened to me, so why do I sometimes allow Satan to experience a victory. All the people at the table were seeking to do the right thing, we just need to be more respectful of one another's opinions and genuinely commit to seek God's Will together.
Like I said - none of us like change. However, with the full implementation of the ByLaws, and Polices and Procedures passed by the Association in it's meetings, there will be changes. Do not assume every change is welcomed by people that are working to implement those changes (I certainly did not like writing a check for $5000 in West Africa because it was interpreted that the expenses were to be "reimbursed," but I did because that was the interpretation/decision made). No one can say that "Well Dougald or Gail has gotten their way with that change" because every recommendation that came before you was by consensus and then your vote. I can assure you, there are aspects that make the staff's life a lot more difficult.
There will be some changes that we know will have to be changed, but there is no reason for people that love the Lord and are striving to work together to accomplish His purpose to make assumptions or become upset with the changes. Instead, we are to be Christ-like in our attitudes and actions, and strive to make the changes necessary to better accomplish His work.
The Truth is - following Christ is all about change! I can not determine to go my way and ignore the path He has chosen for me and experience the joy of walking in His Will. I can not expect that a decision made in 2009 will withstand the test of time and apply in 3009 to accomplish God's purpose for that season. Therefore, I must approach everything with an openness and a willingness to say "not my will but thine be done." To not be willing to pray that prayer is not to be striving to be like Christ.
I remain convinced, "any two people genuinely seeking God can work together." That has been my operating principle as an Associational Missionary from the very beginning, and it remains my guiding principle in the work God has called us to do together. As we implement the changes that have been and will be mandated by your vote as an Association, know that we will be transparent in the process and open to your opinions as we have been in the implementation of the ByLaws and now the policies and procedures. I welcome your input and solicit your prayers as we seek to work together in the important work of strengthening the church to be the church and advancing the cause of Christ throughout the communities of the Tar River Baptist Association.
Pray with me that God will open our eyes to His Will and that we will walk together in His work.
Labels: Change, God's Will, listening to God
posted by Dougald McLaurin at
10:20 PM
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